Kids These Days
by xLove-Hate-Relationshipx
Summary: A boring day at the hospital, a visit from an unexpected guest, fun dip, caffeine, and cats. New chapter just added!
1. Cats and FUN DIP

**No, Emmett, You Can't Change ****The Cat**

Carlisle's Point Of View (POV)

It was a slow day at the hospital, as Alice predicted. So, as always, I was prepared. I kept myself busy by working on books of crossword puzzles; I was on the fourth book of fifty puzzles during this hour. I was about to fill in the last answer to puzzle forty-nine when my office phone rang. I picked it up on the first ring, hoping to find that someone had come in and needed help. These puzzles were so easy; I didn't know how the humans did it!

"Hello, Carlisle Cullen speaking."

"Oh, Dr. Cullen, your son Emmett, well, he just came in asking for you. I'm not sure what's wrong..." The words came out in a rush from the secretary's lips.

"Send him up. It's a slow day.

"Right away, Dr. Cullen."

Before long, Emmett was standing in my office, behind my chair. I spun around and asked, "What would you like, son? Are you hurt?" I said the last part smugly. It was difficult for vampires to get hurt, but anything is possible, especially with Emmett. He could have asked Jasper to rip his arm off, which he would have done happily. Or, worse yet, he could have ripped Jasper's arm off himself.

"Well, Dad, I'm ever so sorry to bother you at work...but I kinda have an important question," he started. I motioned with my hands for him to continue. "Umm...can we change animals?"

A moment of silence passed. I expected none the less from Emmett. "Yes, son, we can."

"Awesome! Can I change the cat?"

"Emmett, we don't have a cat."

"Yes we do. Bella bought me one."

"Why on earth would Bella buy _you_ a _cat_?"

"Uh..."

"Why, Emmett?"

"Jasper and I were bored so we might have given her some.... some sugar and caffeine."

"Emmett, exactly how _much_ caffeine and sugar did you and Jasper give her?"

"Two lattes and twenty packs of fun dip."

"That explains that."

"So, can I change the cat?"

"No, Emmett. You. Can't. Change. The. Cat."

He trudged out of my office groggily.

"Kids these days," my coworker said, while walking by my office. I wondered how much of that he heard.

"You have _no _idea," I replied, shaking my head


	2. Chickens and Glue

**Kids These Days:**

**Chapter 2-Chickens and Glue**

Before we left: Emmett and Jasper gave Bella twenty packs of fun dip and two lattes. Then Emmett came in to the hospital asking if he could change the cat that Bella bought for him. What will Esme and Carlisle do about it?

CARLISLE'S POV

When I got home from the office that day I found Bella petting a kitty and eating M&M's. Edward was glaring at Jasper who was holding on to Alice for dear life. Rosalie was giving Emmett a death glare, which, if looks could kill, would have him passed out on the floor dead. I found Esme rearranging some floral arrangements and immediately rushed over to her.

"Esme, dear, we need to teach Emmett and Jasper a lesson."

"What did they do?"

"They gave Bella sugar which, in turn, lead to her buying Emmett a cat, and Emmett coming into my office today to ask if he could change it. Now, Bella is eating M&M's on the sofa, petting a cat. Edward is threatening to kill Jasper, who is begging poor Alice to save him. And Rosalie is giving Emmett one of her looks."

"I have just the idea."

I raised my eyebrows towards her, "Care to share?"

She led me around the corner and into our empty storage closet under the stairs. We had that room made soundproof for our April Fool's Day antics. I was still staring at her quizzically.

"So, we make everyone stay home from school but those two. When they get home, we dump buckets of glue over their heads. They can be perched on the top of the door. Then, we fill the room with feathers and fans. When they're in enough, we turn the fans on and have someone chase them around the room so they get absolutely _covered _in feathers. Then we have someone else, probably Rosalie- she's the scariest-, chase them outside and stick signs that say 'Chicken Little got run over by a truck when he was crossing the road- you've got to deal with me now.'"

"I like it. I'll go run it by Edward and Bella. You separate Alice from Jasper and grab her and Rosalie."

She nodded her head in my direction.

Oh- this was going to be good.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: I would like to thank **_**Hannai**_** for the wonderful idea for this chapter. Thanks!!**


	3. Payback and Surprises

**Kids These Days**

**Chapter 3: Payback and Surprises**

CARLISLE'S POV

"So, Esme, is everything in order?"

"Yes."

"Does everyone know the plan?"

"Edward fills two buckets with superglue and puts them on the top of the door. We scatter multi-colored feathers around the house. Alice turns on the fans when we hear them open the door. We put secret hidden cameras around the room. When they are covered in enough feathers, we have Rosalie superglue the signs onto their backs and chase them around the block at natural speed."

"Perfect."

"Man, I can't wait to catch the looks on their faces after what they did to my precious Bella."

"Revenge is sweet."

**-Two Hours Later-**

"I think they're coming!"

"Yes it's them!"

"I'll get the fans. Everyone else hide!"

Everyone hid upstairs, monitoring the plan while the guys walked through the door.

We waited and waited as we heard the sound of Emmett's jeep pull into the driveway. The car doors slammed shut. Footsteps walked steadily on top of the pavement. A hand placed itself heavily on the doorknob. It turned slightly to the right. The door creaked open. The buckets of glue tipped. The feathers whirled around in circles. Rosalie prepared to pounce.


	4. FedEx Man Costumes and Stupid Code Names

**Kids These Days**

**Chapter 4: Not- So- Accurate- Plans?**

CARLISLE'S POV

But it was not Emmett and Jasper who walked through the door. It was a poor, lonesome FedEx man.

"Rose, NO!"

Rose pounced on the FedEx man, who was now covered in superglue and feathers, knocking him to the ground. She glued the sign to his back. Wow, was this FedEx man tall!! She then chased him around the block numerous times, getting strange looks from passer bys.

Meanwhile, we were all screaming at her to stop. The door creaked open again, and in came yet another FedEx man. He looked around at all the mess, and Esme went downstairs. This FedEx man was carrying a package.

"Oh, why thank you for my package. You're the sweetest. Would you mind staying for a bit?"

The man agreed, and we ordered Rose to bring back the chicken man for questioning.

"Hands up. Mouths closed. You have the right to remain silent."

Edward was questioning the FedEx men.

"Why did one of you bring us a package, and the other not?"

"I didn't have a package to bring?" The response sounded more like a question.

"And, Mr. Chicken-"

"The name's Emasperett."

"Emasperett?"

"Yes, you got a problem with that?"

"Actually, Mr. _Emasperett_, I was just going to ask you why there is a zipper in the back of your neck."

"Emasperett" whispered and mumbled to himself.

"So, Emmett and Jasper, what do you have to say for yourself- wait- no- HOW STUPID DO YOU THINK I AM!?"

At this point they had taken their costume off and were now feather and glue free. The other FedEx man left a while ago, with a look on his face that said, _these people are absolutely insane._

"We heard you planning and figured, hey why not get a costume and maybe we won't have to get in trouble, or not be stuck washing glue out of vampire hair."

"That is just wonderful. Now we have to think of a new plan."

"No, no, no!"

Emmett and Jasper jumped up and down screaming in denial. Then they ran into the front room, took the remaining superglue and put it all over themselves like it was some sort of expensive lotion or something. Then they rolled in the feathers and stuck them all over themselves. Alice was filming the whole thing.

"I am _so _putting this on YouTube!"


End file.
